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User blog:Mortal5075/George R. R. Martin vs J. R. R. Tolkien ERB Fan-made
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY GEORGE R. R. MARTIN VS ' '''J. R. R. TOLKIEN ' '''BEGIN!' ''Martin-'' "One does not simply brawl with the king of writing As I'm a high lording and you're a wrinkly wlidling I'm going over the trends, collecting people's tears And then swallow them all, the fat men drive fears From the historical periods my pages lie When people greet me, they'd be like Azor O'Hi Its a simple civilian against a strong Valyrian Your raps are like your plot- simply convenient" 'Tolkien-' "A wrinkly wlidling? Look who's Tolkien! I was the one who built the foundation you'll rot in You're a medieval porn writer, I'm the father of high fantasy Your Mumakil ass cannot Exeter my rap disease You shall not pass this mistake by flashing some boobies Next time do some writing instead of gory groopies From England to Parris, I go there and back again, you fat wack As six years will pass since I'll hear a good verse in your rap" 'Martin-' "You're just another beetle that I've got up my sleeves And I'm crushing these beetles harder than Yoko Ono did I will cancel your raps and it will be a cold play Check my net worth dawg, money's the only way In the game of raps, there is no middle round So let me pass the mic to the men who raised my found" 'D. B. Weiss and D. Benioff-' "You're getting fucked up and double D is double power Call us Billy and Jimmy, cause we're the Double Dragon We're like the Targeryens, as we can stand your wack burns If you want fire out your mouth, you're gonna need some wildfire (It hurts!) The fire was green, it flaming spread Your raps are like torches blazed with the light of the dead We don't care for personalities or your fantasy priorities As after this battle, we're gonna get a Blackwater out of your shining wallets" 'Tolkien-' " You want to light me up, but there's no match for me You're a sexist, I have a magnetic LGBT I am immortal, like Sauron stare you down with my Groom After battling me you're gonna fall to your Doom The only battle you can win is a competition for fudges Martin, to become me you're gonna need my wits" 'Peter Jackson-' "And my budget! I'll make this lord bow so low he'll be right upon my nuts Cause mine are sharp and long, m'lord, not like your bars I have so many nominations I can't count all the titles This Legolas will jump you up like the name is Super Mario Your raps are bland, they're 2D, pathetic on the page Meanwhile I get Ed Sheeran on my backstage Now David, if you suck George's dick your feelings must be sincere You can now marry, we'll play the Rains of Castamere." 'Martin-' "Fall to my doom? Your mountain is as awful as that scrap-metal monocle You shall watch out, might fall into one of your plotholes I killed so many characters you cannot question my nerve But with the hairy feet, I'm not sure who's the biggest perv" 'Weiss and Benioff-' "Your rings right now don't do much, I'm pretty honest You should've done like Thanos and made a fucking Gaunlet Peter, you spent millions to promote your own homeland So let me show you where we spent money in the Hollywood land 'Peter Dinklage-' "I am the only superior, premier man, you're just my grip I'm the imp who'll make you limp and send you back to your pimp You're just my Dicklings that I dickle around in this ring Cause I don't pick beef with you, I simply win I'm so untouchable that I didn't get picked while being a dwarf I spit posion and I've got it enough for you all." 'Jackson-' '"I shall not take insults from a man who worked with Adam Sandler Your greedy mind is very dark, but there's not much terror I'm the king of cameos, a modern day Hitchcock But I'll let my homies finish this overrated ditch block" '''C. S. Lewis-' "The Russians stepped out but C. S. still goes Dropping Christian bombs on this father-killing gnome Solve this riddle- how the hell did you write a fantasy story With realistic concepts, blood and pornography gories? You sure serve your raps, but your sauce is not gravy You all make Disaster Movie seem like a little cry baby." Tolkien-''' " You're all finished, your last name is a Stark Creuel Reuel will cut you down like a three-headed shark I promise to deal with you, its not that hard of the buisness I dodged the bullets of the Somme I can dodge your sickness" 'Martin-' "Dodging sicknesses? Thats a very good fact Too bad your own father couldn't do that (Aha!) I've created the scenarios no'ones ever been Unlike you, I had a reason to kill Sean Bean That's it, dig your grave, you're all getting trapped Too bad your own eagles can't fucking rap" 'Weiss and Benioff-' " If you wish to continue, better call Chris He'll release your raps 88 years after your defeat If you promised your victory, I shall title you as Oathbreaker So dope on the stage I wear a badge of a Legbreaker" 'Dinklage-' " Your raps are like cartoons, going Ralp Bakshit crazy You're earning your Razzie while I'm enjoying my Emmy Boliver is Gulliver in terms of rap skills, you're a season pumpkin I can transofrm from a big black guy to a cute Trumpkin" 'Martin team-' "So dope we can milk out of porn stars some tighties-fees You maybe out daddy, but we're the GDP" 'Tolkien team-' "They're thieves, they're thieves, they're dirty little thieves" 'Tolkien-' "Stealing my middle names" 'Jackson-' "And my battle scenes!" 'Tolkien-' "Could you stop for a moment on being so greedy? If you were the true Tyrion, you would be a fucking city!" 'Lewis-' "You are all rectangular, in the shape of a vector I am so dope, I get played by Hannibal Lecter A Tumnus ass kicker, straight outta wardrobe You couldn't be a lion if you wore a gold robe Your joy will soon turn into ashes If you wont stop licking feminists asses" 'Jackson-' " Pinky and Brain were the one who brough the fame to you But unlike Martin, they don't enjoy children getting screwed My thick bone shall now finish this brawl" 'The Tolkien team-' "As we're the one Fellowship to rule them all!" '''WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYY! P.S. This is my first rap battle, and I think I've donne pretty good. If you are not sure about what certain lines mean or, most importantly, if you want to write your feedback, write whats good and whats not so good. Cheers. Next battle --->Ezio vs 47 Category:Blog posts